It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize