Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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