i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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