Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
