Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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