thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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