why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
