it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Randomize
