1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
