How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
