I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
