I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
