I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
