I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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