Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
