had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize