I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
