he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize