saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
