the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
