Kiss
Puke
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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