i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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