pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
