Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
