so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
