Cold hands, warm shart.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
no you cant smoke seaweed
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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