I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Randomize
