is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
