I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize