White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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