I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There r osticjed everywhere
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
