A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
