The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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