There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
