I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I will pee on everything he values.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
