Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
