dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
