Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Randomize
