I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
