dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
