your parents love me but you hate me
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
