So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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