just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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