I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize