I'm eating all of the evidence.
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Randomize
