I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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