You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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