I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
