Just fell off a train. Bad.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
We got so high we made milksteak
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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