woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
