The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Randomize
