Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
