I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
