R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
