I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
