i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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