OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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