Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize