OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
