i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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