So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
time to smoke my breakfast
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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