she woke up with a sticky ear
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
