Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
You can't special order awesome
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Two words: nipple clamps
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