I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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