why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
