Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
