Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize