I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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