He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
